One of the best parenting books that has been around for two decades. If one can master these skills, then one can communicate effectively not only to kids, but all sorts of grownups too!
I am just taking these down so that my memory can be refreshed after I return the book to the library.
Chapter 1: Helping Children deal with their feelings. Children need to have their feelings accepted and respected.
1. You can listen quietly and attentively.
2. You can acknowledge their feelings with a word. “ Oh…Mmm…I see…”
3. You can give the feeling a name. “That sounds frustrating!”
4. You can give the child his wishes in fantasy. “ I wish I could make the banana ripe for you right now!”
All feelings can be accepted. Certain actions must be limited. “ I can see how angry you are at your brother. Tell him what you want with words, not fists.”
Chapter 2: To engage a child’s cooperation
1. Describe with you see, or describe the problem. “There is a wet towel on the bed.”
2. Give Information. “The towel is getting my blanket wet.”
3. Say it with a word. “The towel!”
4. Describe what you feel. “I don’t like to sleep in a wet bed!”
5. Write a note. (Above towel rack) Please put me back so I can dry. Thanks, Your Towel.
Chapter 3: Instead of Punishment
1. Express your feelings strongly – Without attacking character. “I am furious that my new saw was left outside to rust in the rain!”
2. State your expectations. “I expect my tools to be returned after they’ve been borrowed.”
3. Show the child how to make amends. “ What this saw needs now is a little steel wool and a lot of elbow grease.”
4. Give the child a choice. “You can borrow my tools and return them, or you can give up the privilege of using them. You decide.”
5. Take action. Child: Why is the tool box locked? Father: You tell me why.
6. Problem-solve. What can we work out so that you can use my tools when you need them, and so that I’ll be sure they’re there when I need them?”
Chapter 4: To encourage Autonomy
1. Let children make choices. “Are you in the mood for your grey pants today, or your red pants?”
2. Show respect for a child’s struggle. “A jar can be hard to open. Sometimes it helps if you tap the side of the lid with a spoon.”
3. Don’t ask too many questions. “Glad to see you. Welcome home.”
4. Don’t rush to answer questions. “That’s an interesting question. What do you think?”
5. Encourage children to use sources outside home. “Maybe the pet show owner would have a suggestion.”
6. Don’t take away hope. “So you’re thinking of trying out for the play! That should be an experience.”
Chapter 5: Praise and Self-Esteem Instead of evaluating, describe.
1. Describe what you see. “ I see a clean floor, a smooth bed, and books neatly lined up on the shelf.”
2. Describe what you feel. “It’s a pleasure to walk into this room!”
3. Sum up the child’s praiseworthy behavior with a word. “You sorted out your pencils, crayons and pens, and put them in separate boxes. That’s what I call organization!”
Chapter 6: To free
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